I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
