Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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