I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
