woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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