The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
