okay pat passed out under dana's car
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
