Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's never too late to be topless.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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