So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
