Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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