Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
