you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
