You smell like a Billy Joel song
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
