He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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