carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
