i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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