i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
