The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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