I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
