once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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