Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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