How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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