holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
