My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
