Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
