By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
