Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
