Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just want to make out with him forever
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
