Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she peed on how many people?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
