I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
