somebody snuck up and got me drunk
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
