Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
