My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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