I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
