At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
