Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
