watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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