you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
