I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
