they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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