i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
