Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
