is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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