she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
