wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
