Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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