and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
