I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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