i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
