I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
