My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
